It's my Birthday!

It's a well-known joke for people with December birthdays that our birthday's are often--part of Christmas. It's actually quite funny to see how it plays out, and to be honest, it would be nice if our kids had mid-winter birthdays. I like to embrace Dutch stereotypes, so I will admit that I LOVE saving money, and anything of good value. Here is how it plays out mathematically:

My wife has a birthday in June, and let's say I purchase two gifts for her per year; one for her birthday, and one for Christmas. (My wife loves gifts, so I would never get away with that, but let's pretend.) That makes two gifts per calendar.

I have a December birthday, so I get a larger gift, valued at 1.5, with the disclaimer "This is for your birthday AND Christmas." It's how one would say, "This gift is HUGE, so don't expect more."

Wait a minute! I just got duped out of half a gift! Sure, this seems bigger, but let's look at the whole picture here...I enjoy making jokes about this phenomenon, it's a fun cliche to bring up every year, but in reality, I am always humbled when someone gives me a gift, and I don't expect anything. I think giving gifts is a glorious thing, and I would NEVER belittle someone's gift--unless, of course, I can make a joke of it. If there's one thing I'm willing to lose my soul over, it's good humor. Well, maybe if there is financial gain... But listen, If I'm not making money or making people laugh, I always stick to my moral values.

Where was I...

This year, I made a joke in front of some friends about having a December birthday. One friend decided to plan a weekend getaway, and it was very thoughtful and I'm glad for the attempt, but it fell apart. Both couples cancelled and we ended realizing Thursday night that we had no plans for my birthday weekend. My wife even took vacation days at work and I had made arrangements to leave the office early on Friday. I don't blame anyone, but let's be honest, that sucks. I had been looking forward to the weekend for a month and it fell apart the day before. I "let it go," as is popular these days, and chalked it up to the curse of the December birthday.

But wait... (You have to say this like Rumpelstiltskin on "Once Upon A Time." Yes, even with the hand gestures. If this reference is over your head, my heart aches for you.)

My thoughtful, serving, beautiful, totes-adorbs-OMG-fab-for-sure wife, wasn't going to let the weekend go to waste (like her hard-earned vacation hours had). I'm not sure how much effort it took on her part to get everything together last minute, but I imagine it wasn't easy. She told me to be home at 5 Friday; that we were going to Three Rivers. "Oh cool, maybe we are getting in the hot tub, that's always nice." NOPE! We walked into her Brother's house and there was a miniature surprise party! My nieces even put up streamers and balloons with printed cut-outs from Star Wars coloring books. (Yes, I am SO geeked about the new trailer!) They had gotten me some gifts that were funny and thoughtful, and my wife had also gotten me some gifts! The final package..... THE STAR WARS TRILOGY ON BLU-RAY!!!! So much awesome. So. Much.

She even said she would watch them with me. Woah.

Last night, we went to our friends' house and watched the fourth episode. For my birthday weekend, I had the privilege of introducing THREE people to Star Wars! Tonight is even better, we will watch The Empire Strikes Back ON MY BIRTHDAY!! (My favorite episode by the way.)

Today has been great, it's actually been a really great day. I rolled out of bed, cracked a brew and jumped in the shower, (hold on now... don't you dare judge me, it's my birthday.) and grabbed Taco Bell for breakfast. YUP! I wanted my birthday breakfast to be Taco Bell. We went to church and I was just overwhelmed with how genuine people were when wishing me happy birthday. A friend of mine gave me a book on a subject that I have been caught up in while trying to divide the word. (that's Christian for, "trying to understand it.") It was very thoughtful.. you know.. for a book.. ("Oh, thanks, you gave me homework as a gift...")

I don't know if all of that sharing was necessary, I am just trying to set the stage to say that I am SO thankful for all the blessings in my life. It's absolutely ridiculous that God chose me as one of his people, and not only did he choose me, but he continues to bless me on top of that. I don't deserve any of it--I mean, really, ask my wife. Year 25 was not all peaches and rainbows. One of my rental units had a kitchen fire, I spent many hours preparing for, and representing myself in a court room, and then I spent countless late hours restoring that unit to a usable condition. During that time, it was rough, but I learned a lot of good lessons. Overall, I am grateful for that too.

When I look at everything God has done for me, I am overwhelmed. Sometimes when I am driving home after work, I think about this. Quite literally, I have so much joy, that it's almost uncomfortable. I am at 120% joy, you guys. I am over-flowing. It gets weird. About a month ago, I teared up at how complicated enzymes are--THAT WAS CREATED! I don't even understand those things! God loved us so much that he made these tiny little things that take food and turn it into energy, and then with that energy you get hurt and those tiny magical things use food to heal you... FOOD THAT MAGICALLY APPEARS OUT OF DIRT!! My brain begins to implode when I try to figure out how enzymes work. God uses enzymes to make energy out of food, then your muscles and eyes use that energy to put a key in a lock. THINK ABOUT HOW CRAZY THAT IS!!! You can take a tiny piece of metal and line it up with a target with a tolerance of like half a millimeter in one fluid motion! Try getting a robot to do that as quickly as we can! Do you understand how many lines of programming, not to mention, advancement of hardware, that would take!? Me neither!! I can't even figure out how to win a stuffed rabbit in the crane game!

WOOOOAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

God allows us so much joy it can make our head explode, but then he doesn't let it explode, because he loves us! God is so great, you guys. Just like my wonderful wife redeemed this weekend, God redeemed a train-wreck like yours truly.

This year I just want to share my joy. I don't really know what that will look like, but I'm excited. I want to love on other people, I want to learn about them, I want to feel with them, I want to give more. I want to give more financially, I want to give more emotionally, I want to give more of my time to help others to find the joy that I have. I hope that I can please God, and I hope that I can be apart of bringing others to his kingdom.

How great it is to have another year.

Cheers.

Where is God's Love?

How can a God, who calls himself Love, sit back idly and allow a mass murder to occur in D.C., Sandy Hook, or Aurora? How does God allow people, whom he says he loves, to die by toxic gas? Where was God on 9/11? Where was God in WWII, when 60 million lives were wasted? Is God too busy to intervene when an innocent child is molested by a relative? Is it God's love that allows for a child to starve while her mother uses all of their families income for another fifth of liquor, and another rock of cheap cocaine? 

80% of Jews no longer believe in God as a result of the tragedies in their history. They have come to a conclusion that either God does not exist, or that God does not care, and thus he has broken his covenant with them. As Christians we point to the Cross, and say to them, "there is the fulfillment of your covenant." And so we do not struggle with this problem. Superstition says we can make God dance, we know this isn't true, and thus do not feel that God owes us anything. However, there still remains an obvious tension if we look at the world around us. If God tells us that he loves us, and he tells us he is all powerful, it would be easy to look around and conclude that one of those statements is a lie. Either God does not have the power to stop evil, or God does not love us. If we truly believe this antagonism leads to that conclusion, then we have an improper definition of Love. 

Step back from this conversation. Take two or three steps back and first ask yourself if you believe in Eternity. Questions like these stem from a focus on our vapor short life on this broken earth. First find your answer for what God's ultimate concern is, and start from the beginning. God created a perfect world for us, and because of the chronic problem of the human heart we destroyed that utopia and bliss. We brought it on ourselves to suffer, and only by suffering can we fix our heart. The focus of the gospel is that we must leave behind our desires, not embrace them. Christ tells the rich man that the persuit of his desires is what will ultimately condemn him, and if we lived in a world where all of our desires were met then our selfishness would destroy our hearts and turn us away from God. This is the providence of God. So much of Christ' message is focused on charity, and charity is what will cure us of our condition, and allow us to embrace his sacrifice and admit that we need a savior. So if charitable hearts is what we need, then how would that be accomplished in a perfect world? Providence allows us to live in a world that will point us toward him. A cruel god would allow us to live in heaven while on earth, and allow us to think that we do not need anything more. Be silent and know that God has all in focus; recognize that he sees our hearts, and that he desires to repair them. Through God's love we live in an environment that leaves more to be desired, so that we may draw close to him. Providence is God guiding us to what we need, not handing us what we want. Stepping back far enough, to where we can see the edges of the frame, shows us that our short life on Earth is not the focus of the painting. 

200 plus years ago in Haiti, under the suppression of the French, the leaders in Haiti did a voodoo type ritual in hopes of liberation. Whether Pat Robertson's claim that they made a pact with the devil is true or not is irrelevant, but it still remains a part of their history. When my brother-in-law got back from Haiti a few years ago, he told me that at the beginning of 2010, the pastors in Haiti got together to pray that God would take Haiti back. One pastor literally prayed "God shake Haiti." Only days later there was a massive earthquake. A young man was running through the streets after the earthquake to look for his family, when he noticed that a historically voodoo people, were calling a different name. What he heard was people calling for Jesus. Suffering. Faith. Providence. 

We will never have the answer to every question, but eventually we must come to the conclusion that God knows the cure, and that trusting him will set us free from the fate we deserve. There are many questions that I wish I knew the answer to, which eventually lead to one question, "Why did God put the Tree in the Garden?" But I must trust that it is not looking to the Past, but to the Future that should be my focus. So the better question to ask is, "Where will I spend Eternity?" 

Eternity is a place where the murderer and the victim are eternally separated, and our current life is where we decide which camp we want to be in. I know that personally, were I to have all of my desires, I would assume that I was a god. If every desire of my heart was mine then I must be in control, and therefore must be god. Those who are not suffering, do not call for a savior. Therefore to me, suffering is God's providence. Jesus did not heal Lazarus, that was the hope of his family, but instead, after he had died, Jesus raised him from the dead. I see this as a metaphor for our world. It is not God's intention to heal the world, but to destroy it and raise it to new life. 

Guy Love

One of my favorite TV shows is Scrubs, and from that is the relationship between Turk and JD, which was perhaps a little odd at times, but within the spirit of comedy, it kept people from feeling awkward. But without the aspect of comedy, what would this relationship look like? Would we accept it? Would we relate to it? Perhaps a few, but overall, probably not.

This week Haley and I watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy. It took us 6 days by the way... wow those movies are long! A similar relationship is depicted between Frodo and Samwise. Hobbits are portrayed as being more sensitive and affectionate than men in that story, so ultimately, within context, it still does not seem weird unless someone points out to us that it might be a little different.

Currently I am reading about King David. I'm starting at the beginning of his story, and quickly come across the relationship of David and Jonathan. God's anointed king said of Jonathan after his death, "I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; You have been very pleasant to me. Your love to me was more wonderful Than the love of women."  Let that soak in a little. Think about that. Would you say that to your golfing buddy?

None of these relationships are homosexual relationships, they are all platonic friendships, but they are closer relationships than we as a culture are accustomed to seeing between two men. Women? Sure. Generally it is acceptable for women to develop close friendships and talk about their dreams, their desires, and their... brace yourself.... their feelings. For the most part men appreciate these relationships that women have with other women, it takes the burden off of us right? Because we hate talking about feelings.

Our culture embraces close friendships with women, but for the most part, men avoid getting "too close" to another guy. We will probably discourage our kids from it, and during pubescent years will encourage our boys to "man up." There are unspoken guidelines about male activities and conversation. Men should only spend time together if it is in the name of sports, hard work, or good food (but only from a grill!) right? And we should never express our feelings for another guy past the point of "You're an alright guy." But why?

What would people think? That I am gay? Would they think I am not a real man if I have feelings?

Let's talk about what happens when guys do have feelings, because they do, on occasion. Even the most macho of all men have feelings at least... 4 times in their life. So who do we turn to? We grow thick beards and drink heavy beer, we have sharp axes and guns would that knock women and children off of their feet. What does a man of this stature do with feelings?

We do one of three things, we either find unhealthy ways to deal with them, such as avoiding our families for extra time in the garage, where we obsess over our current project forsaking anything else so that we can remain focussed on not feeling; we develop unhealthy coping habits (or addictions).... or we talk to women. And we do, I see it all the time, this is a healthy response for a married man to talk to his wife, and for a single dude to talk to whoever will listen, but what happens when a husband and wife are having problems and the man wants to talk to someone about how he feels? We might tell our buddies at the gym, who will respond with, "Dude, that sucks. Can you spot me?" or maybe they will say, "That sounds tough, but I don't know what to tell you." Overall... no help. So then you go talk to another woman.

I just kind of slipped that in there...

Just casually.

The same way a man will casually bring up his marriage relationship with a woman he works with.

Think about your friends. All of them. If you're a guy, and you're married, who are you going to talk to when you and your wife have some turmoil? You will. You either know this because it has already happened, or you know it will happen eventually because you have seen it happen to other men. Many men seek the council of women because women understand feelings, and they feel comfortable having meaningful conversations because they do it all of the time with other women.

Recent studies published in Scientific American and Psychology Today show that in most heterosocial relationships, men especially, are attracted to the other member of the friendship. That's a very dangerous place to be in. Here is the scenario: You and your wife get in a fight, it's a big one. You don't know how to fix it (because men are fixers), you also don't know how to tell your wife how you feel without starting another fight (we're bad at that). You talk to your guy friends who throw you a beer and talk about the game instead. You still want to express yourself but are having trouble. At work a friendly co-worker says, "You seem upset, is everything alright?" And you talk to her, and she gives you good advice. You go talk to your wife and everything seems better, but you don't mention this other woman to her because it's not a big deal. You are happy at home, and at work you have a new friend. And you are becoming better friends. Now you occasionally think of her outside of work, you tell your wife a funny joke she made, and your wife says, "Who?" "Oh just a friend at work." Your wife seems a little uneasy about that so you don't bring it up again. You actually decide not to talk about your new friend around your wife, and you especially don't let your wife know that she is attractive. That you find her attractive. That you occasionally notice her attractiveness...

What is the end result of this story? It's not good is it?

So what is worse? Breaking your comfort zone with another dude, or breaking your marriage? Is this worse case scenario? Most definitely, but could you not, at times, benefit from a close friend in your life? Even if you're single, could you not benefit from an accountability partner? We're so worried about labels and stereotypes that we often neglect real needs that exist inside of us. Is there anything wrong with saying, "Yeah later today Bill is coming over and we are going to chop some wood and have an in-depth conversation about our week. I'm going to tell him I'm sad that the Tigers lost last night, and I'm also going to tell him how I feel about my Dad passing away and the great memories I had with him, and if I cry a little that's totally fine." Actually I don't know when it would ever be appropriate to be that specific about your plans for the evening, but I'm sure you get the idea.

I don't think for a second that God made us like lions or wolfs, in that we need to be alpha males and keep all other males away. We are relational, and I think it is totally healthy and appropriate for men to let their walls down and foster healthy homosocial relationships. Do not feel like this is any sort of hinderance to your masculinity, look at David. Plays the lyre, dances, close relationship with a dude, and oh yeah, every other story of him is of slaying Philistines in battle.

Nervous about leadership?

But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7 ESV)

Be encouraged by this. David was the unlikely candidate. Think of Timothy also. God uses people of all shapes and sizes. Look at Titus 1, even the qualifications for an elder (which implies someone who is old) does not include an age guideline. Don't limit what God can use you for because you are nervous about what-ifs. Moses was terrible speaker and became a mouthpiece for God. Strive for excellence, equip yourself with truth and be ready anything. God will appoint you when you are ready. Your role is to be prepared to trust him.

The Faith of Moses

By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, choosing rather to endure ill-treatment with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, (Hebrews 11:24, 25 NASB)

Moses had faith that God had something better for him. It's so easy to live for ourselves. Sometimes it is hard to honor God with our lives, but the reward is greater. 

Do we have a purpose?

“If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.” ― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

This weekend a man told me that God created us just because he was bored, because he needed something to toy with, and that an omnipotent being doesn't need us, and therefore we have no purpose. It's true that God does not need us, but that does not mean we are without purpose. 

The quote is from a book that I have not yet finished. I like this quote a lot, perhaps it will encourage me to finish the book. If we had no purpose, why would it be innately human to search for purpose?

Reminds me of the term homo religiosus, one of my favorite nerd topics of the study of religion. It's a term used to describe a phenomenon that all cultures have had a religion of some form or another, and a claim that man is inherently religious. 

Throughout history man has known of God, but many cultures have attempted to fill in the blanks. It's part of our being to have an inward link to God, but without the Logos, (Look at that! Latin, Greek, I'm all over the dead languages today.) it ends up all looking the same.

It has been said before that all religions are "different paths up the same mountain." The picture is that God is sitting on a mountain, and human beings of different religions are all trying to climb the mountain in different ways. Man already knows he's up there, we're all just trying to figure out how we're going to get up there too. 

Stephen Prothero outlines this well in his book God is Not One (Another unfinished book)

Islam: the problem is pride / the solution is submission 

Christianity: the problem is sin / the solution is salvation

Confucianism: the problem is chaos / the solution is social order

Buddhism: the problem is suffering / the solution is awakening

Judaism: the problem is exile / the solution is to return to God

This is taken out of context, but it's a useful list that saves time. 

Even the atheist, or the religion of the secular, however you would like to define it, does some pretty bizarre stuff in order to fulfill a need for a spiritual connection. When Princess Diana died, acres and acres of memorabilia had to be cleaned up from people leaving spontaneous shrines across London, the site of the twin towers had the same problem. One time a working motocycle in excellent condition was left at the vietnam memorial.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

It's just like that awful pop song that says "there's a God shaped hole in all of us." People just have a need to DO something, even if they don't know what the problem is, they're still looking for a solution.

So let me add one to the list: Secular: the problem is unknown / the solution is just do something that "feels good."

Every other religion requires merit, requires you to earn something. (Even awakening, which could, theoretically, be a gift, is not a gift in Buddhism, it is a result of following the eightfold path. In fact, I would edit that to say "the solution is the eightfold path," which is exactly what Buddha said, were I to make it my own.) Christianity is the oddball. Religion made by man just doesn't get it. We're never going to be GOOD enough to earn favor of a perfect God. Salvation is a gift. Instead of God sitting on top of the mountain waiting to see if we'll make it or not, God comes off the mountain, he descends into our messed up sea-level world, and does all the work for us. He walks down the mountain, asks us if we want a ride, then carries us back up the mountain.

If God loves us so much that he is willing to do THAT, willing to be tortured until his death to pay the price for our sins, then how could an measure of logic lead you to the conclusion that we are an insignificant plaything with no purpose?

One of my favorite passages is 1 John 4:7-21. It's a real 'feel good' passage. It's all about God loving man, and man loving God, loving your brother, loving the Son who loves you, and loves God. It's like God was just sitting around over there in eternity-ville, boiling over with love, and he's just like, "Man, I got so much love I just gotta DO something with it! I need some more peeps to love on!"

At minimum, human beings were made to be loved on by God. Is that not a good enough answer? I know it makes me feel good.

Mario was not a millionaire, but still awesome.

Imagine if Mario obsessed about getting every single coin. It would take him forever to save the princess. Don't let money run your life; focus on what's important.

Matthew 16:26